Dear Bobby and Lizzy,
Once again, I share these with you in case you're curious---not because I want or expect you to have the same beliefs. In fact, I am especially proud of you for your independence of mind.
First, I cannot help but believe that there is a benevolent God. Although I would probably call myself an agnostic, because I don't think that any of us can know for sure about such things, it is easier for me to believe in a divine Creator than in the random creation of the universe, including our planet's incredible beauty and the complexity of the human spirit. Additionally, I find some resonance with Christianity. When I pray, I often address my prayer to Jesus, whose story compels me. But I would not call myself a Christian, at least not in any orthodox sense of the word. I do not believe in the infallibility of the bible. I do not believe in the literal truth of many of its stories. I do not, for instance, believe in the story of Noah's Ark, or Adam and Eve. I do not believe that there is a literal hell, nor do I believe that there is only one pathway to God. I dislike many of the people who call themselves Christians but have hatred for illegal immigrants, gays, and anyone who disagrees with them.
Every morning, when I walk the dogs, I stop on a hill from which I can see our home, and I give thanks to God for the rich way he has blessed me, and for protecting my family. I feel extremely grateful for the life I have been given and for the success my kids are experiencing.
I am inclined to believe that the human spirit is not confined to skin and bones---that it survives our corporeal death, though perhaps it simply becomes a part of the cosmos at that time. If there is such a thing as heaven, it would consist, for me, of a reunion with my family and close friends. It would feel like a university, with unlimited opportunity to learn from scholars. There would be no more rancor, worry, or suffering. There would be only joy. And if there is no literal heaven, and our spirits are simply diffused into the cosmos, there is still an end to our rancor, worry, and suffering. There would be only peace. I am unafraid of death. I have lived a great life, and been blessed richly. I hope to live another twenty-five years, lead a college, pamper grandkids, teach, write, read, and travel---but even if I were to die this evening, I would consider myself a very fortunate man.
Love,
Dad
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
my political beliefs
Dear Bobby and Lizzy,
I share my political beliefs with you NOT because I want you or expect you to agree with them, but just in case you ever wonder where I stand. First, I have been a registered independent (decline to state) since I first registered to vote when I was 18. I am not a Democrat, because I believe in low taxes, small government, free enterprise, and individual responsibility. I am not a Republican, because I believe in environmental protection, compassion for immigrants, and equal rights for gays. And despite my generally conservative, free-market views on economic policy, I support the President's health care reforms because it is outrageously indecent for a nation as wealthy as ours to deny medical care to the poor---especially to kids.
I used to say that I am an economic conservative and a social liberal, but that is not entirely true. Though I lean conservative on economics, my views on health care for all Americans are an exception to my libertarian leanings. Though I lean liberal on social issues, I am rather conservative on criminal justice issues(I do not oppose the death penalty, and I would abolish the exclusionary rule). And though I lean pro-choice on the issue of abortion, I do not believe that a woman's right to abort should be unlimited---the interests of the father and the fetus matter also.
Love,
Dad
I share my political beliefs with you NOT because I want you or expect you to agree with them, but just in case you ever wonder where I stand. First, I have been a registered independent (decline to state) since I first registered to vote when I was 18. I am not a Democrat, because I believe in low taxes, small government, free enterprise, and individual responsibility. I am not a Republican, because I believe in environmental protection, compassion for immigrants, and equal rights for gays. And despite my generally conservative, free-market views on economic policy, I support the President's health care reforms because it is outrageously indecent for a nation as wealthy as ours to deny medical care to the poor---especially to kids.
I used to say that I am an economic conservative and a social liberal, but that is not entirely true. Though I lean conservative on economics, my views on health care for all Americans are an exception to my libertarian leanings. Though I lean liberal on social issues, I am rather conservative on criminal justice issues(I do not oppose the death penalty, and I would abolish the exclusionary rule). And though I lean pro-choice on the issue of abortion, I do not believe that a woman's right to abort should be unlimited---the interests of the father and the fetus matter also.
Love,
Dad
Friday, April 2, 2010
just in case
Dear Bobby and Lizzy,
This post will be a little morbid, because it addresses my final wishes. As I expressed in my first post, I hope to live a long time still, but just in case fate has other plans for me, these are my final wishes:
1. I do NOT want to be preserved on life support systems once it is clear that I have suffered irreversible damage that will prevent me from leading a normal and independent life. As a matter of fact, I do not want to be in any dependent state of existence---when I am no longer able to care for myself, my strong desire is to find a dignified and expedient way to die;
2. Upon my death, I want to be cremated(after any parts of my body have been harvested for organ donor or related medical purposes), and my ashes disposed of in any way you and Nancy wish. Please find the least expensive arrangement available---the LAST thing I want is to waste valuable resources on a funeral director's sales pitch;
3. At the moment, I have one major financial goal, and that is to help Lizzy complete her baccalaureate education, as we have done now for Christopher, Bobby, and Emma. Once this goal has been met, whatever modest estate is left, my wish is that it be used to help Nancy live comfortably, and any balance to be shared equally among our four children. Although I hope to help all of our kids a little with the cost of graduate school, I trust that you will be able to pay most of those expenses through your own resourcefulness.
These wishes have no legal effect. Nancy and I have a Trust which generally spells these out in legal form, but I want you to know of my wishes to guide you if necessary.
Love,
Dad
This post will be a little morbid, because it addresses my final wishes. As I expressed in my first post, I hope to live a long time still, but just in case fate has other plans for me, these are my final wishes:
1. I do NOT want to be preserved on life support systems once it is clear that I have suffered irreversible damage that will prevent me from leading a normal and independent life. As a matter of fact, I do not want to be in any dependent state of existence---when I am no longer able to care for myself, my strong desire is to find a dignified and expedient way to die;
2. Upon my death, I want to be cremated(after any parts of my body have been harvested for organ donor or related medical purposes), and my ashes disposed of in any way you and Nancy wish. Please find the least expensive arrangement available---the LAST thing I want is to waste valuable resources on a funeral director's sales pitch;
3. At the moment, I have one major financial goal, and that is to help Lizzy complete her baccalaureate education, as we have done now for Christopher, Bobby, and Emma. Once this goal has been met, whatever modest estate is left, my wish is that it be used to help Nancy live comfortably, and any balance to be shared equally among our four children. Although I hope to help all of our kids a little with the cost of graduate school, I trust that you will be able to pay most of those expenses through your own resourcefulness.
These wishes have no legal effect. Nancy and I have a Trust which generally spells these out in legal form, but I want you to know of my wishes to guide you if necessary.
Love,
Dad
Thursday, April 1, 2010
everybody's heart gets broken
Hi Bobby and Lizzy,
I am very happy that you both have a companion. My deepest wish for both of you is that you have long and happy lives with someone who will love you for who you are. I would do anything to spare you heartache, but I also know that just about everyone gets their heart broken at some point. It feels like the end of the world at the time, and you think the person who broke your heart is the only one for you. Rest assured, though, that time will heal this wound. It may take months or even a couple of years for the pain to subside entirely, but it will definitely diminish over time, until it is nothing more than a distant wistful feeling. And there is this consolation: every time our heart gets broken, the pain and recovery makes us stronger, wiser, and more authentic. The only kids' book I love is the Velveteen Rabbit, for it stands for exactly that proposition: it is not until we get a little beaten up by life that we become our most authentic selves. And this experience will prepare us for a greater relationship, and will help us better discern who we choose to fall in love with the next time. But we must overcome the fear of being hurt again that makes some people unable to recover from their wounds. We must take another chance, knowing that even if this relationship also fails, it will not be the end of the world. And while we are in pain, we should be kind to ourselves, seek the company of our friends and family, and find peace within as best we can until the natural buoyancy of our spirit reemerges. I promise that it will.
Love,
Dad
I am very happy that you both have a companion. My deepest wish for both of you is that you have long and happy lives with someone who will love you for who you are. I would do anything to spare you heartache, but I also know that just about everyone gets their heart broken at some point. It feels like the end of the world at the time, and you think the person who broke your heart is the only one for you. Rest assured, though, that time will heal this wound. It may take months or even a couple of years for the pain to subside entirely, but it will definitely diminish over time, until it is nothing more than a distant wistful feeling. And there is this consolation: every time our heart gets broken, the pain and recovery makes us stronger, wiser, and more authentic. The only kids' book I love is the Velveteen Rabbit, for it stands for exactly that proposition: it is not until we get a little beaten up by life that we become our most authentic selves. And this experience will prepare us for a greater relationship, and will help us better discern who we choose to fall in love with the next time. But we must overcome the fear of being hurt again that makes some people unable to recover from their wounds. We must take another chance, knowing that even if this relationship also fails, it will not be the end of the world. And while we are in pain, we should be kind to ourselves, seek the company of our friends and family, and find peace within as best we can until the natural buoyancy of our spirit reemerges. I promise that it will.
Love,
Dad
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